One evening, the contralto Ernestine Schumann-Heink, noted for her enormous girth, performed at a Detroit concert hall.

As she struggled through the cramped orchestra pit to make her entrance -- sending music racks crashing to the floor -- the conductor gazed down with understandable alarm. "Sideways, madam!" he frantically whispered. "Go sideways!"

"Mein Gott!" Schumann-Heink cried in reply. "I haff no sideways!"