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Charles Laughton: Amateur Insult

The actor Charles Laughton was once invited to a dinner party by the celebrated pianist Arthur Rubinstein, who "entertained" his guests before the meal with a number of mediocre home videos of his children's amateur stage productions. Not surprisingly, the assembled guests were visibly relieved when the final reel ended and dinner was served.

"I've always regretted that I never had children," Laughton declared as they sat down, "and never more so than now. Because, Mr. Rubinstein, if I had children, I would make them play the piano for you."

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