Fat Ass Johnson

"We had a colonel named Fat Ass Johnson," Buddy Hackett once recalled. "That wasn't his real name, but they called him Fat Ass Johnson. No one ever called him Fat Ass Johnson to his face, but I once called him that on the phone.

"You see, I was working in the motor pool. That's where they keep trucks and jeeps and vehicles like that. The phone rings. The sign said, 'Recruits, do not answer phone.' I didn't know what's a recruit, so I said hello.

"A voice said, 'Soldier, what vehicles have you got available?' I said, 'Six trucks, seven jeeps, an MA armored car, a half-track, and Fat Ass Johnson's command car.'

"He said, 'Have you any idea who you're talking to?' I said, 'No, sir.' He said, 'This is Colonel Johnson!'

"I said, 'Colonel, do you have any idea who you're talking to?' He said, 'No.' I said, 'Bye-bye, Fat Ass!'"

[In 1829 the famous Tripp sisters weighed 124 and 205 pounds, respectively; they were three and five years old.]

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