David Spade: Calling the Union
"I was pretty young," David Spade once recalled of his most embarrassing date. "I was doing stand-up back home in Arizona and thought I was King Cock 'cause I was local. So I'm playing the back of a Houlihan's or some bullshit -- making $20 for 20 minutes, but hey, she doesn't know that. We're supposed to go out afterward, but she thinks it'll be fun to see me perform first. I bomb. I don't get one laugh. I do all my jokes in, like, 11 minutes. The owner hands me $10 and says, 'Twenty is for 20; 10 is for 10.' My date witnessed the whole scene and looks at me, like, 'F---ing sad sack.' So I get in the car and say, 'I'm calling the union.' She goes, 'What, the busboy union?' There was definitely no puss on the horizon after that debacle."