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Tending Tia's Secret Garden

Tia Carrere was a mistress of euphemism. "I'm waxed clean... hairless as the day I was born," she once declared. "But don't say 'Tia has no pubic hair.' That's so clinical. Use a nice euphemism."

For example? "Say 'She's mowed her secret garden,'" Tia suggested, "or 'She's cleared the way to the Promised Land.'"

[Tia Carrere, who wanted to be a nun when she was 13, was discovered at 17 in a Honolulu supermarket. Her favorite joke: "Little Red Riding Hood is skipping through the forest with a basket of goodies on the way to her grandmother's house. The Big Bad Wolf jumps out from behind a tree with a .38 and says, 'OK, Little Red Riding Hood, take off all your clothes. I'm gonna f--- you right here, right now.' She smiles sweetly. She pulls out a .45 and says, 'Oh, no you're not. You're gonna eat me like the book says.'"]

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