Mark McGwire: "I remember when I was still with the Oakland A's, our third-base coach, Rene Lachemann, and Glenn Hubbard, our second baseman, were in a merciless practical joke battle. Hubbard just would not stop lighting the guy's shoelaces on fire. So one day Lachemann gets to the ballpark early to take his morning crap. And as soon as he's done, he grabs a tongue depressor from the trainer's table, reaches into the toilet, and scoops up a huge piece of crap. I couldn't believe it. I watched Lachemann shove the entire thing inside Hubbard's game cleats, and I made sure to get a good spot to watch him put on his shoes. I saw every facial expression as his toes and toenails were getting covered in crap. I don't think I've ever laughed harder in my life."