While studying human attraction one day, famed sex researcher Timothy Perper was intrigued to find the stages of courtship outlined in an ancient Latin text. According to this work, courtship proceeded from "Osculum" (the sighting) through "Contactus" (first contact), and, to Perper's considerable amusement, culminated in... "fuctum" (the deed).

[Correction: Though pronounced "fuctum" the last stage is in fact "factum."]