John Malkovich often told a story about the time he didn't win his first-grade Easter egg contest: He called the teacher a "motherf---er" ("or a c---sucker, I can't remember which") and walked out of the school.

[His father (an environmentalist and a paratrooper with the 82nd Airborne) "beat my ass for about six hours."]

[When Malkovich, who recalled his childhood as a series of food fights, fistfights and hostile practical jokes, threw temper tantrums, his sibilings would lock him out of the house and scream "Mad Dog!" at him until he calmed down. When his big brother (who often woke him up by farting on his face) knocked out one of his teeth, John retaliated by pushing him through a window. Malkovich also got the last laugh, basing his rendition of Lee (the nose-picking nutcase) in True West on his brother.]